we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
