I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
