I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize