I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
