The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
