she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
