OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I cut my penus on the lid.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
