Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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