you have to choose: penises or morals?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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