Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
