Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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