? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
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