so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
