I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
