Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
