your parents love me but you hate me
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Randomize
