If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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