Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
