OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
