If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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