Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
