Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
