mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
