capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
