Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
