He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Randomize
