i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
