Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
did i just pee glitter
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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