I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
