I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
