He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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