if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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