that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize