So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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