i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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