Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
