I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
