your parents love me but you hate me
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Randomize
