i need an iv and a liver transplant
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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