I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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