Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
