I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
