She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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