i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize