last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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