A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
