Don't you send me to vm
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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