i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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