Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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