theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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