Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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