Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
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