Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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