She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
