Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I think I am morally bankrupt
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Randomize
