why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
