You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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