She said her name was "party"
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
