you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
