i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
