i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
