just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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