we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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