I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
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