There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
My bed smells like the plague
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