It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize