I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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