1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
