I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
