Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize