Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(305): View more from Florida

1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge

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(845): View more from New York

Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon

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(310): View more from California

totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.

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(347): View more from New York

Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.

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(915): View more from Texas

Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.

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(706): View more from Georgia

It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa

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(315): View more from New York

3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.

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(805): View more from California

You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you

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(973): View more from New Jersey

Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time

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