it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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