My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'm just crazy horny about you
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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