Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
