fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Couch. On fire.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
