i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
