well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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